Another Anniversary

For the last five years sometime during the first week or so of July I stop in my tracks and think "Oh my gosh, my MS anniversary is coming up." For some reason it takes my breath away. No matter what I'm doing whether I'm walking Rusty, reviewing a portfolio's monthly returns at work, inspecting a fresh peach at the market or folding laundry in the bedroom, I pause and relive that afternoon.

A friend forwarded a link to a NYT article last week where the writer described his heart attack as "one of the moments in his life that defined his life, as if he'd crossed an invisible 'before and after' line and realized nothing would be the same." For me it's been like that.

I think about how when I woke up that Friday morning I had no idea how my life would change forever. I think about how sad I was, just incredibly sad, for so long. During the phone call with my neurologist's office everything instantly seemed hopeless and meaningless. I remember thinking how unfair it was: I was 32 and supposed to be going to grad school, not learning how to give myself an IV of solumedrol to halt my latest relapse or evaluating the available MS injectible treatments to try to slow the disease progression. But after a while you figure out that life is fair, it can just be unlucky.

Despite the crappy card I've been dealt I have been lucky with the treatment I've received. I was lucky to find a research-oriented neurologist and lucky to have participated in the Campath clinical trial. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it looks like everything is going to be ok.

So tomorrow is my sixth MS anniversary and first blog anniversary... happy anniversary to me.